Monday, July 20, 2009

Another day for nothingness

So I'm back in Burlington and the Ghosting tour is pretty much over. I say pretty much because we don't have a show tonight but one tomorrow. The reason this sucks for me is that I have to sit around all day today and tomorrow waiting to play a show tomorrow night before I can head home on wednesday. Normally this wouldn't matter and I'd relish the idea of staying in a beautiful city for a few extra days but there are people I love that I haven't seen in a while at home and I am anxious to see them again. Jacob/jake is back from Budapest and it feels so amazing that he's just a cell phone call or text away. When he was overseas I couldve called but it's either skype or phone cards and there's a six or so hour time difference. Now it's just pull out the old mobile and shoot the kid a call to hear the days happenings. And today we did this, back to our old give and take of stories of love, crushes, confused hearts and advice. He's an amazing buddy and I'm so happy to have him back so he's one reason I want to head back to the area. Oh and he and I have still not had a beer together. Can you believe that? I also want to head back to see about some things that I've hoping will still be there when I return, furthering my anxiety while sitting in this city. Oh and I'm thinking of taking a short respite from drinking which seems to make both meeting new people and the idea of hanging out a bit daunting.

Here's the catch: if I leave town now, like I would like to, I'm bailing on the Ghosting dudes. They offered to play the show without me but that's not really cool of me. We'll see how the next day or so will work out, but I can tell you that the ole brain will be working overtime regardless of me wanting it.

Right now I'm sitting in the local food co-op after eating lunch and a cute little boy just walked by who oddly looks like a forty year old junky. It's a strange look. Let's hope he's healthy and ages well. There's also a great deal of love here, both platonic and romantic. It's really warming though i'm not going to lie it also makes me feel incredibly lonely. I suppose that's not helping me want to stay in town when I know I'll feel loved in jersey.

I also suppose I should catch you up on recent events. I have a feeling I'll be better in the coming weeks but I should fill in the holes. Last week I stayed at my brothers house and felt comfortable and at home. Late night songs and wine. Morning bagels and eggs. Great friends and family. Then off to the jersey shore where jared Ghosting caught up with an old fried and I spent a good part of two glorious days feeling enormous. But eventually the bubble needs to pop and after a great day at the beach and a hippy dinner it was off to Trenton to meet up with old friends and play at the mill hill. We played a fun show and my brother and keith joined me for my set for a good, albeit drunken time. I'm also really proud to introduce people to my friends as I have the best ones around and that night was no exception. From Trenton we went to long island where I got to meet up with my old bandmate Shaun and his girl ella. It's always great to see them and I loved catching up with my boy. We were supposed to play in another band together but I got let go. He did as well recently which is bullshit but he'll be better off. I'm glad to have gotten the full scoop though. This night was also the beginning of me creating terrible senarios in my head based on zero to flimsey made up thoughts. I'm an idiot and need to learn how to go with the flow better. Just let go and let things be. Anyway from there it was to new Brunswick to blow some zeds then up in the morning to see jake back into town. It ruled to feel his presence back in my life. We played Ewing nj that night to nobody. At times like these I wonder what I'm doing with my life. I know I know it's stupid. Life comes in waves. From Ewing it was up to buddy brian's for big hearts, beers and grilled cheese. Love that dude. Then up to providence where on the way I started to make some peace with myself. Again, waves. We hung out at an indie arts festival and I sat quietly under a tree. Life felt good like everything would be ok. Then to vegan BBQ! I was hoping I'd see some providence friends but no dice. Oh well next time. I got to talk to my great friend from home, Amelia, and that felt amazing. She's one of the beat people I know. We played a good show and afterwards went back to chris from Jesuscentric's apartment. It was really nice to be comfortable and be able to get more writing done, furthering my feeling of peace. The next morning I got shaken up a bit but possibly not in a bad way. Always interesting. Then off to Allston mass knowing I'd get to eat veggie hot dogs at spikes so I was laughing. Buffalo dog! The show was fun and I got to play an acoustic set as well which always feels great. At the end of the night we said our goodbyes to Jesuscentric and empty orchestra, whom we'd played with during the weekend and it felt great to know I made good friends that I look forward to seeing again in cities I like but want to know better. And then we drove home. Well Burlington. And so here I am. I guess that's always the case, right? There we are. My supreme hope is that with this life I find things rather than lose them and create and spread love rather than stifle it or spread negativity. I'm going to keep working towards beauty and hope you'll join the journey. Much love.

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