you gotta be this tall to ride this ride

the roller coaster of emotions is an interesting one. and the funny part is that you're all watching from the outside, fully aware of the dips and loops that are ahead of me, while i'm barely aware of anything but my current spiral. ok, enough metaphor.

two nights ago i made a questionable decision at 4 am that kept me awake and a bit out of my brain until near 11 am. i finally fought through some sleep until 1 pm, then got up and worked my way to harrisburg, PA. this we've discussed. upon my arrival i was weighed down heavily with thoughts of the previous hours, the residue of intense experiences. i felt that i did not properly accept the situation i was about to enter, which i think is completely against the whole reason i'm doing this trip. for the greater part of the evening i was less open and happy than i wanted to be, feeling dejected, lonely, drained. self-doubt lingered next to me, my only companion. could i make it through three hundred and sixty some odd more days of this? it felt unlikely, though somehow, i still had my little buddy faith hanging in the wings. and, i know what you're thinking, "already? wow, this will be a short lived adventure. what a cop out." perhaps your version is nastier or filled with more "i told you so" type sentiment, but the fact of the matter is that this is the nature of these kinds of projects. i'm not as naive and inexperienced as i was on my first tour. i've been traveling for the better part of 8 years. but this is the first time like this. i have barely any money and what i hope is a big, open heart to carry me through the next year. so, when that begins to question things, it's hard.

but, i knew it wouldn't last long. i planned on going to bed early to get a good night's sleep, recharge the old batteries. but my new roommates, somers and jake, were going out to hang with my other new mates, hank and cupcakes. the latter set are a drum and bass duo from brooklyn via israel. really interesting and intense. some of the greatest bass playing i've ever seen in person. cupcakes is also an attractive female drummer who plays standing up and sings. this seems to have really captured the attention of a certain demographic in this town. for whatever reason i always get a kick out of less conventional bands and the people they draw. it's always interesting and exciting. so i went and hung out, some really nice people bought me beer and pizza, so while perhaps we were not the types of people that would normally hang out in the same group, music and positivity brought us together, and that rules. oh, and anyone who buys me pizza and/or beer is automatically my friend.

the turnaround felt good. i went from being a bit down in the dumps to drinking the last sips of some homemade wine on the third floor deck of someone i'd met officially only minutes earlier. i had a variety of conversations that focused on religion, drugs and life experience. strange how they all seem to fit together in a way. then we moved on to the bar where i got said pizza and beer, and came home a happy boy.

it's strange how a bit of re-orienting of the evening or mindset can change everything. but it's lovely.

right now i'm sitting in the house of one accord in harrisburg, PA. my roommates are at church with their daughter and i'm going to leave in a second to get an oil change and some food. but this place is great, and you should know about it. this is a house belonging to a young white couple in a predominately black neighborhood that hosts punk rock shows and sells affordable used clothing. the clothes stay on racks on the porch and people peruse as they will, knocking on the door to pay their 50 cents or 2 dollars for something totally wearable. and for the most part, everyone in this area respects each other, and takes care of each other. at least from what i can tell. and i think that's incredible. so, while i didn't play to many people last night, the ones i did mattered. and i'm a good mood again. i'm not sure if this is the up or down part of the roller coaster analogy (the down part always seems more fun, going up that clink clink clink part is rather boring) but i'm feeling good. with that, i'm off. i hope you're great.

(4/365)