back in jersey, prematurely

so i'm not on tour. i should be, but i'm not. as it would seem, the band i was out with could not agree on their collective future, so the only plan that made sense to all of them was to cancel the rest of the tour and head home. and since i was riding with them in their van, i didn't have much say in the matter. this is not to say that i didn't attempt to help them smooth things over, both for themselves and for me, and while it worked temporarily, ultimately we were in the van for a near 20 hour ride back to new jersey. florida was fun, and i got to play a few shows, but overall i was really looking forward to heading up to alabama, then up through the midwest. at this time of year it's probably beautiful, and i was ready for things to cool down a bit. plus, i appreciate that natural progression of a tour, and when it's cut part of the way through, that can be kind of disheartening.

this was definitely an interesting tour for me, way more hanging out than playing, and way less worries about things like gas and attendance of shows. part of it was really fun, just living life, but part of it felt empty and without meaning. i suppose it's a bit like sex without a relationship. i am definitely glad that i went along on the leg of the tour that included We're All Broken, as i was great friends with 3/5 of the band and the new 2/5 became new great friends. i really couldn't have asked for a better group of guys to go out with, and for that i definitely feel blessed. i ate a great deal of sea dwellers and not enough peanut butter and jelly. i spent way more money going out to bars than i should have, especially when i just sat around talking to my friends. i'd way rather spend $7 and eat a full grilled meal of veggie burgers and vegetables and drink cheap beer from split 30 packs. sure, delicious, high end beers are wonderful, but they mean nothing if you don't have great friends to share them with and memories that surround them.

but it ended early, and now i'm back in new jersey. there are, however, things that are good about it. last night i got to have dinner with three of my best friends in the world (my old roommates, ross and kristin, as well as my great buddy tommy). it was a wonderful surprise. ross and tommy have been fairly busy lately, but i was going to see if they wanted to meet up and go out. when ross got back to the apartment, he was visibly tired, but said he was meeting up with tommy and kristin. what luck! so i rounded out the four piece and we headed for a local brewery known for it's good beer and food. sitting with old mates, splitting meals, drinking beers, telling stories, catching up, remembering days past. i can't think of a better existence. i have such amazing people in my life, i can't believe i've gotten away with it. i'm sure there's people somewhere who have nobody, and i feel quite guilty of this, as it makes me sad and makes me wonder if i've stolen all the beauty from their hands. but regardless, i am terribly lucky. after a lovely and long meal we headed for an old haunt of ours and enjoyed half price libations. for some reason, and i'm not sure if it was because i felt so blessed and happy, but everyone else at the bar seemed bored and or sad. so many groups sat silently, no laughter, people on phones, hushed conversations between just one or two members. what kind of life is this to lead? you're out with your friends, there are a hundred potential new friends or romantic leads, beers to drink laughs to be had. should you not be regaling one another with stories of your previous week, your most awkward sexual experience, the funniest thing that ever made you almost choke with laughter? are these not the reasons we live? to love, laugh, experience and share? i'd like to think they are. and, in an odd confirmation of this, tommy told me that he's proud of me and appreciates what i'm doing with my life. at times it's really hard, and having friends like him, that i greatly respect and love, and that are successful in their chosen field, to believe in me and have faith, well that means the world.

when the lot of them decided it was time to leave i swung by another bar to meet up with the buddies from the tour. after everyone got home and answered to their respective folks, grabbed some sleep and food a bunch of us gravitated towards this central meeting point. we discussed the previous 36 hours, how they panned out, how they affected us and how we were feeling. obviously, seeing as i'm not actually in their band, i was affected less so and in different ways, but regardless was. still, a comfort in all of this was that i got to spend more time with friends, in a more amicable atmosphere, and then go back to ross' apartment feeling as settled as possible, given the situation.

today i woke late, as per usual, and relaxed, got a bagel and coffee with suguna (ross' flatmate) and discussed the disparity between languages, cultures and nationalities. we often fall into these kinds of conversations, as suguna is an intelligent woman from india with a fiery disposition. i mean that in all ways complimentary. it's also nice to be provided with drastically different view points and ideas. a bit after i was left to my own devices and began rehearsing songs, as i was lucky enough to pick up a last minute show in new brunswick. i'm really excited to get to play, especially since other shows were cancelled, and even more especially because i love playing in what i consider to be my home town, to as many people as possible. tonight is a birthday party with only acoustic acts, so it seems like the perfect situation for me. furthermore, there are a variety of non-new brunswickians that will be coming, many of which i'm friends with, that will augment the evenings festivities beautifully. in rehearsing i wrote a song that i'm happy with and could see people enjoying. as of late i've been writing incredibly simple songs that in a way i'm mildly embarrassed by, as i'd love to be writing complex, well thought out songs, but in a way i embrace as they're immediately satisfying both for writer and listener. perhaps that's not the best sign, but for now, while i feel a bit spread thin, and still to put out my second LP (these would be songs for my third), i feel i have some time to work them out and write a variety of denser songs, so to speak.

tonight i will have fun. i hope to make the evening worth living. there's still a great deal of things i need to do to improve my life, and the lives of those around me. and each day i want to work more towards those things. sure, certain days you slip, and others you relax. but when you can, make a difference and i'll try to do the same. i send all of my love.