For every up there's a down. Have you ever felt fully out there only to see it doesn't matter? Have you ever wanted someone to care buy they don't? These are real, adult feelings that we've all experienced. And sure your buddies can buy you a drink and wrap their arms around you and sure that can help but I'm not really sure what the true remedy is. We're all just children who've grown a bit, learned a few coping techniques and generally try harder. But we still don't have the answers.
I've been thinking I've been actively searching for something for so long only to wonder if I've just been running away. I've done things no parent would be proud of and made decisions I'm sure many regret for me. But you know what? I'm still trying. And maybe not in the best way but I am. I'm not following rules set by those before me but especially not ones who can't claim pure and utter bliss. Why would you ever follow unsatisfied leaders? This is not to say those we emulate need always be laughing, but broad hearts and big smiles as often as possible, no?
We live in a world where people lie, cheat and steal without regard. We live in a place where we numb ourselves with drugs and alcohol to forget about the workday, where we live for the weekends, vacations and false sick days. This is not acceptable.
I'm not going to lie, I feel like shit today for a variety if reasons. But you know what? These reasons are mine and are based on decisions made by me. I have a big gnarly beard, and a huge (albiet shitty) heart. I'm sitting in a parking lot after playing a terrible show to people who could not have cared less. To clarify the main reason the show was terrible was my attitude and performance. But I'm also in fucking Florida with friends from home and a belly full of the last minute crab steam I threw together. Yes, i'd love if the world cared at all about the songs I sing but I suppose I can't change this. Regardless I can change the way I choose to live my life. And I'm trying to do this the right way. In not always succeeding but I do know I'm not sitting at home wishing I could escape. I experience boughts of lonliness, doubt and fear. But u also have those at home. The thing is that when I'm at home I never feel this alive. So until I'm ready to die I'd rather live. Fuck complacency. This world belongs to us.