suggestions

(49/365)
warren, nj (to be pronounced as h[a]warren {like bob ross said "white"})
brian (brother)/keith/brian (old bandmate)/dan

my older brother, who while i haven't spoken much of him on here, is one of the most intelligent, well written, smart thinking, fun loving people i've ever met, suggested i present my location and housing on the outset. his suggestion was a bit more specific, but i'm going to take some liberties with it and see how he feels. regardless, i'm not against the idea. would it not be a nice idea, dear reader, for you to know where your lovely protagonist was residing, be it city, state or home? so, we'll see how you feel. any and all thoughts are appreciated.

i guess i've not spoken much of chris because we don't talk as much as either of us would like. you know, it's weird, there's this whole idea of not sharing "private" things with the public. but that's not us. sure, if there is something potentially sensitive, i'll happily and respectfully keep it to myself. but, why not share the things that are wonderful? i personally wish i could cut myself from vocal chord to pelvis, pour myself out and give you all i have. but i suppose i've not been good enough to do that. and perhaps at times that's "not acceptable." but, i really should tell you about the great people in my life. why? well, because they're that important, but also, because i hope you have people like them in your life, and i hope you wish to tell the world of their wonders.

i have the best friends there are. that's not to say you don't; on the contrary, i'm sure you do, and i'm coming to get them. ha. share them, that is. seriously though, i am related to the most impressive humans i've ever met. right now i'm listening to brother brian's songs for his as of yet unreleased album, and i'm close to tears (if i knew how to cry) by how amazing it is. if it weren't for brother chris, i'd be nothing these days, probably an office drone, fighting down a daily regamine of complancency and nothingness. instead, i'm sailing seas of wonder, beauty and possibility. that's not to say that there aren't storms of self doubt, hatred, sadness, fear. but, what good adventure doesn't have trials and tribulations? would any of us care to read a story of straight smiles? i for one would not. interestingly, this seems to be the desire of the people i'm so glad i avoided becoming. perhaps their desire is non-tumult, but regardless, i'm avoiding this sickness like the disease it is. i'm approaching life as the rollercoaster it is, with the respect for upsanddowns it deserves. without them, i'd be a robot, a stoic and worthless. i think in many ways i have chris to thank for this, and do so with my whole heart.

so tonight i sit in my brother's/friend's basement talking to my gay friend via the interweb, remembering how we gave each other strength during hard times, confusing times, and marveling at the simplicity of life and how complicated even that can be. ha. amazing. i'm not sure i'm doing anything right, but i do know one thing:

people i love and respect are telling me i'm doing well.

with that, i'm going to keep working forward. i have faith in my heart, but even then things get hard. but when they do, and i turn towards the wonderful people i have in my life, they hold me up. and, they do so in a way that doesn't make me feel patronized. if i ever felt like people were just trying to protect my ego i'd happily stop it all. but, luckily, i trust and believe so much in the people i love, that i think i should keep pushing forward. if things are ever hard for you, i truly hope you have wonderful people to help you have faith. nobody should ever feel like they need to always be strong on their own. without loved ones in our lives, i'm not sure they're worth living.

perhaps this got heavier than you were willing to lift today. or perhaps it lightened your load. either way, i wish you beauty, happiness, love and laughter. if you need any of them from me, please don't hesitate to ask. all of mine to you,
peej